Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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