What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
