Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
