I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
