i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
