Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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