It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
