I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize