my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
