it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
