Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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