Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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