the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
