i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
