She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
