I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
