just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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