We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
