update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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