If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
