i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
