is your mom at the bar?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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