I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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