Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
