What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
