his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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