I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
