Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
