Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
