If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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