Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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