Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
