Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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