It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
