He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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