i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
