U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
