i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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