I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
