Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
