How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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