Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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