mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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