ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
