dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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