Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
