Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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