you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
