My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
