Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
