Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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