i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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