Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
