There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
