Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
