I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
