Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
