The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
