you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
