i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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