Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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