I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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