thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
