i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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