I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
