Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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