god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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