our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm both gender and math confused
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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