Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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