I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
