I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
