found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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