I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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