That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
