You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
