hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
