He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
