the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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